Hi Everyone!! (I haven’t said that in a while…) I hope you are all having a great Monday!
If you’re a regular on my blog you might have noticed that it has been three months since I’ve last posted on my site. If you’re not a regular on my blog and it’s your first time here then this post might be a bit weird…
My life in the past three months have been busy and really rough. And I let one of the things that I have absolutely loved and enjoyed every minute of slip by. I sincerely apologize to you and myself for that. This blog has been something that means a lot to me since graduating college.
I know I don’t have to get in to why I have been gone so long, but I wanted to put a reason into the blog for a couple of reasons. One of the reasons is mainly for myself, this blog I have been working on practically sine I graduated college and it’s a nice timeline for me to look back on good and bad. And because anyone who reads my blog, writes a comment, likes a post I love very much and I feel that you deserve an explanation.
So without further ado, let’s get in to some life chat…
Life doesn’t always go as planned, and I like to think of myself as someone who is pretty laid back and goes with the flow. But lately life has thrown some interesting stuff at me and I can proudly say that not only was I able to handle it and known when I had to leave it. With that being said it has left me in some unknown territory and forcing me to start my career.
Let’s start back in May, I was a sales associate at Macy’s and I got offered the Fine Jewelry Business Manager position. I gladly accepted even though I told my boss I didn’t know how much longer I would be with the company (for grad school stuff, more on that later). My boss didn’t care about that and wanted me in the job for as long as I was here. It started off fun, same amount of hours, dealing more with the associates and A TON of schedule edits. But it was all good until it wasn’t. I started to ignore everything else but this job that had absolutely NOTHING to do with my degree, what I wanted to do or added any value to my life.
I hated it, to be fair I always did, but it started to become a point where I didn’t just hate the job, I hated myself.
Around August, I realized that all of a sudden, all of my thoughts were about this stupid job that I didn’t care about. But I did. I don’t know why I did, I hated everything and everyone about it. I wasn’t happy because I wasn’t doing anything of substance. I wasn’t creating anything, I stopped writing, I stopped my blog, I stopped painting, I stopped trying to get in to grad school, I stopped trying to get head shots, all because this job was literally taking up every second of my life.
Then came my vacation in September. I had a week off from this place (something I have not had in a year and a half of working there). And I went to Montréal Canada with my Mom and I hadn’t been this happy in a very long time. To a point where my Mom pointed it out to me at dinner on the first night there. It was then where I decided that the first thing I would do when I got back to work on Monday was put my two weeks in.
And that is exactly what I did. It has been a week and two days since I last stepped foot into that place. And while it’s been absolutely wonderful, as I received my last paycheck from there today (being last Friday for you) a little bit of panic set it.
I didn’t have a back up job when I quit. Didn’t have a plan. Didn’t have a clue. But the only thing I knew to be sure was I had to get out of there and I had to get out of there before the Holiday season started because if I thought I had no time now, I would really have no time then. To be fair I still don’t have a plan or a clue, but I’m so happy.
But it doesn’t matter. None of it matters if you’re not happy. The fear of the unknown is so much better than looking in the mirror and hating everything you are and have become. I became everything I said I wasn’t going to do. I took a job I hated and knew would hate because of money. I gave up everything I am and was for this job. But I don’t regret it. Weird thing to say I know but I learned that I am stronger than I thought I was and I know when I need to leave a bad situation, which is something I think about a lot. I have always been afraid that I would get stuck in a relationship, job, situation, you name it really. Because I was too afraid.
I put my mental health and happiness first. Which to be quite honest is something I haven’t done for myself, in a long time if ever.
I’m a scaredy cat. So by not having a plan by just up and quitting I’m forcing myself to start my career. Because I could have totally seen myself staying there and just jumping from stupid job to stupid job for the rest of my life. And that thought I can’t even begin to describe how that feels, but horrific doesn’t do it justice.
So I’m back, I’m back with my blog, I’m back painting, I’m back creating stuff, I’m back trying to figure out grad school, I’m setting up head shot appointments.
And I’m finally starting my life. A year and a half later. I’m uncomfortable. I’m scared. But I’m back. And I love it.
Until next time,